Monday, December 13, 2004

Dear Ocean Air woman

Dear Ocean Air woman:

I am writing because of the ills and up with the twitter, due to reasons not known. Then there was the rude air hostess, who knew nothing about vegetarians. She made me feel unsatisfied. All of these points were peasant. But that is not all, the sits were the worst. I think you should all unite and improve.
If you don´t want to comoense, I will look for my lawyer.


Unpeasant indeed!

Dear Ocean Airs:

It´s appalling and horrible, very Unpeasant! This was my flight with you. First, we were delate. Not to mention the air hostess! She did not realised many things. For instance, like, why I wanted to change my sist. And she should have know I was afraid! Either, the catering on baord did not include a vegetarian . The food I was offered, I had to throw. And the film did not try to entertain the passengers. You must compense me. It was a disgusting experience, and I have not recovered myself.

In Bed with Mad Donna, with love from Hungry

BLIKK: Madonna, Budapest says hello with arms that are spread-eagled. Did you have a visit here that was agreeable? Are you in good odor? You are the biggest fan of our young people who hear your musical productions and like to move their bodies in response.
MADONNA: Thank you for saying these compliments (holds up hands). Please stop with taking sensationalist photographs until I have removed my garments for all to see. (laughs). This is a joke I have made.
BLIKK: Madonna, let's cut to toward the hunt. Are you a bold hussy-woman that feasts on men who are tops?
MADONNA: Yes, yes, this is certainly something that brings to the surface my longings. In America it is not considered to be mentally ill when a woman advances on her prey in a discotheque setting with hardy cocktails present. And there is a more normal attitude toward leather play-toys that also makes my day.
BLIKK: Is this how you met Carlos, your love servant who is reputed? Did you know he was heaven-sent right off the stick? Or were you dating many other people in your bed at the same time?
MADONNA: No, he was the only one I was dating in my bed then, so it is a scientific fact that the baby was made in my womb using him. But as regards those questions, enough! I am a woman and not a test-mouse! Carlos is an everyday person who is in the orbit of a star who is being muscle-trained by him, not a sex machine.
BLIKK: May we talk about your other "baby," your movie, then? Please do not be denying that the similarities between you and the real Evita are grounded in basis. Power, money, tasty-food, Grammys -- all these elements are afoot.
MADONNA: What is up in the air with you? Evita never was winning a Grammy!
BLIKK: Perhaps not. But as to your film, in trying to bring your reputation along a rocky road, can you make people forget the bad explosions of Who's That Girl? and Shanghai Surprise?
MADONNA: I am a tip-top starlet. That is the job that I am paid to do.
BLIKK: O.K. here's a question from left space. What was your book Slut about?
MADONNA: It was called Sex, my book.
BLIKK: Not in Hungary. Here it was called Slut. How did it come to publish? Were you lovemaking with a man-about-town printer? Do you prefer making suggestive literature to fast selling CD's?
MADONNA: These are different facets to my career highway. I am preferring only to become respected all over the map as a 100% artist.
BLIKK: There is much interest in you from this geographical region, so I must ask this final questions. How many Hungarian men have you dated in bed? Are they No. 1? How are they comparing to Argentine men, who are famous for being tip-top as well?
MADONNA: Well, to avoid aggravating global tension, I won't say. It's a tie (laughs). No, no, I am serious now. See here I am working like a canine all the way around the clock! I am too busy even to try the goulash the makes your country for the record books.
BLIKK: Thank you for your candid chitchat.
MADONNA: No problem, friend who is a girl.

Bodrum Airlines

these regulations were printed on a passenger ticket for Bodrum Airlines in Turkey (this was originally printed in the New Yorker in the 1980s):

1. You do not get rezarvation with Bodrum Airlines.
2. You can not give back your ticket, but, if you annonce us before 24 hours your depart that you cannot fly you can use your ticket with in one year. After passing one year, you can not fly with your ticket.
3. You have to pay extra price if your baggece more than 10 kg. if aircraft baggece cappacity is avalleble.
4. Lost baggece insurance is 20.000 - TL (Twenty Thawzent)
5. Ticket price for 0-2 year ache babys are 10% of normal price.
6. You have to get in touch with contuar befe 30 mitutes of the departure, atherwine you don't get on the board and you don't have any rights for justice.
7. Your ticket cann't bu used if you be late or you miss departure time.
8. If someone gets ticket by doing tricky, Bodrum Airlines has rezerved the rights that there is no must to give a permation that passenger gets on the board.
9. Bodrum Airlines is able to cary all passengers and baggeces but if any unusual things happen the can pany can change schadule or find another aircraft or company.
10. Bodrum Airlines is not able to cary out flight schadule if an unusual thinks take place like bed weather, NOTAM, float, fire, eath queke, war, gone of elefricity, natural disaster, etc.
11. Each passangere has ensurance 25.000.000 - TL (Twenty five milyon TL)
12. Pragnent and sick people have to have doctor's permetion that they can get on the board.
13. Do not allawe to drink alcaol and smoke cigarets on board.

Thursday, December 02, 2004

Marc again

Dear Sir,

I am complaining to you now after the Ocean Air disaster. When I´em barked in the plain, the air hostess dissppointed me too much. I wanted the vegetarian meal, and all I had was dry chips of seomthing. The air hostesses were busied that was another decepetion. I demand compensation. I am waiting for a fast answer or I will call my lawyer.



What about the vegetarian?

Dear ocean air:

I am very disappointed, and exhausted, and I would like to complain.Nnow, I have no doubts that the airhostess are good trained, and come when you call, but I had another relation. They treat me badly. And what about the vegetarian? It was an onlooker affair. Send me compensation, or I will call my lawyer.